One Sweet Love

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately...and I just want to throw it all out there.  Thinking mostly about relationships, love, and life, as I am at that age where well...the clock's ticking, and patience becomes more and more difficult as Carrie Underwood says so beautifully, "The more guys I meet, the more I love my dog."  Some people may think my standards are too high, or that I'm just too picky...but I mean really, in the search for a LIFE mate...I don't think one can be too picky.  And also, is it really too much to ask for a man who has his life together, who wants marriage and a family, and who values the same things I do?  And then Sara Bareilles makes me wonder, "have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?"

The thought absolutely kills me!  Yet it seems to be the theme in my thought world these days.  A few weeks ago mom brought up an ex of mine who had tried to reconnect with me...mom says she misses him, and was pressing me about him and why I won't give him a second chance...and then I get this spiel about how I'm wasting my energy on such high expectations and I'm never going to find mr. perfect.  Of all the people in the world...my own mother thinks my standards are too high?!?!?!  So then that had me doubting myself and most of my relational decisions.  Fortunately I definitely concluded that I was content with my decision to cut ties with that particular person...deal with it mom.  On the other hand, I find myself wondering these days about someone who I have no idea if I will ever meet again, and yet I know if I never do see this person again, I will ALWAYS wonder for the rest of my life what could have been, and I know that even if I meet someone else...I will always wonder about this one.  That's such an overwhelming thought, but it's what I live with currently.  As this thought circulates and stews in my mind, I wonder what it all means...is this it?   What is supposed to happen?  What role do I play in whatever is unfolding...or is there something unfolding? And most importantly, is all this on his mind too, or am I alone in this and just an idiot?

Fortunately, I now know that I am not just an idiot.  Unfortunately for both of us our story is filled with uncertainty, and the questions we have will only continue to persist and linger because neither of us knows if/when we will ever see each other again.  But, knowing what I think, and knowing what he's thinking, I have resolved that it HAS to happen, and we absolutely MUST see each other again, because to continue to go through life wondering these things would be hell on earth in my life.